Toxic Relationships
- healthieva1
- May 15
- 5 min read
It’s a topic that’s been on my mind for a while, and one that affects so many people. Far too often, we find ourselves stuck in relationships that drain us rather than uplift us, yet we can’t seem to walk away. Why is that?
From my own experience, I can tell you that letting go of something that no longer brings you peace is one of the most liberating choices you can make. But it’s easier said than done. Why do we stay, even when we know deep down that the relationship isn’t right for us?
There are many reasons, but in this article, we’re going to focus on three of the most common ones. As you read, you might recognize your current situation or reflect on a past experience. Hopefully, these insights will help you gain clarity and, if necessary, the courage to make the right decision.
And remember, I’d love to hear your experiences. If you feel like sharing, my email address is at the bottom of the page. Now, let’s take a closer look at why people stay in toxic relationships.
Let’s take a closer look at why people tend to stay in toxic relationships.
One of the most common reasons is the fear of loneliness. Even a toxic relationship can feel better than being alone. We convince ourselves that staying with someone - even when we know it isn’t going anywhere - is better than having nothing. But is it, really?
Loneliness can be a powerful motivator. The thought of starting over, facing empty days, or going to bed without someone beside us can be daunting. We cling to the familiar, even when it hurts us, because the discomfort of the unknown seems scarier than the pain we know. But here’s the thing: loneliness within a relationship can be even more isolating than being single.
If you’re in a relationship where everything feels like a chore, where conversations are rare or end in arguments, and where you constantly feel annoyed or drained, is that truly better than being alone? Probably not. Think about it - when was the last time you genuinely felt seen, heard, and valued by this person? If the relationship has become a source of constant tension, frustration, or emotional exhaustion, what exactly are you holding onto? Is it the person themselves, or simply the idea of not being alone?
Yes, having a partner to talk to, snuggle with, and share experiences with is wonderful and vital for most of us. But it shouldn’t come at the cost of your peace of mind. If the relationship leaves you feeling anxious, exhausted, or emotionally unsettled, it’s time to ask yourself some hard questions:
Are you holding onto the potential of who this person could be rather than accepting who they are now?
Are you more invested in the memories of when things were good than in the reality of what the relationship has become?
Are you staying because you truly love them, or because you’re afraid of what life might look like without them?
It’s natural to crave connection and companionship. But when the relationship consistently chips away at your sense of self, it’s worth reconsidering whether it’s truly providing you with the connection you need - or just the illusion of it.
Another reason why people tend to stay in toxic relationships is emotional investment.
After spending significant time, energy, and emotions on a partner, it can feel like letting go means admitting that all those efforts were wasted. Have you ever found yourself in that situation?
Yes, walking away can feel like you’re throwing away the time you’ve invested. But consider this: if you don’t leave, how will you ever know if this person was truly right for you?
When we enter a relationship, we often do so with the hope that this time, it will be the one that lasts. We envision a future together, where we won’t have to endure more disappointing dates or heartbreak. We imagine settling down, making plans, and building a life. But what happens when reality doesn’t match that vision?
If you’re feeling trapped in a relationship that no longer brings you joy or peace, ask yourself:
Is this truly what you want from your life?
Are you willing to keep investing in something you already suspect isn’t working?
How much more time are you willing to spend hoping things will change?
The truth is, the sooner you end a relationship that isn’t fulfilling, the more time you give yourself to find the right person - someone who aligns with your values, respects you, and genuinely wants to build a healthy future with you.
Another powerful reason why people stay in toxic relationships is trauma bonding.
Trauma bonding occurs when intense emotional experiences - both good and bad - create a cycle of highs and lows that become addictive. It’s the kind of connection where moments of affection, apologies, or brief periods of calm are interspersed with conflict, manipulation, or emotional abuse. This rollercoaster can create a deep, almost unbreakable attachment.
Have you ever found yourself feeling intensely connected to someone who repeatedly hurts you, yet you can’t seem to let go? That’s trauma bonding at work. It’s confusing because it can feel like love, but in reality, it’s a cycle of emotional dependency fuelled by unpredictability.
Why is it so hard to break free? Because those fleeting moments of affection or remorse can feel incredibly intense, making you cling to the hope that things will get better. You may think, “They’re capable of being kind and loving - maybe if I just try harder, those good moments will last longer.” But the truth is, real love doesn’t require you to endure suffering to experience occasional kindness.
So, how do you recognize trauma bonding, and how do you begin to break free? Start by asking yourself:
Are the good moments enough to outweigh the pain?
Are you constantly hoping for change that never comes?
Do you find yourself rationalizing or excusing their harmful behaviour because of how loving they can be in other moments?
The sooner you identify this pattern, the sooner you can begin to untangle yourself from the emotional web. Breaking a trauma bond isn’t easy, but it’s essential to reclaim your sense of self and open the door to healthier, more stable connections.
Reading this may not be easy, especially if it hits close to home. Acknowledging that you’re in a toxic relationship can be painful, but it’s a crucial step toward finding peace and reclaiming your sense of self.
Leaving something that no longer serves you is never easy, but staying in it only prolongs the pain. You deserve to be in a relationship that nurtures you, not one that depletes you. Take some time to reflect on what you truly want from life and ask yourself if the relationship you’re in aligns with that vision.
If you’d like me to write about a specific topic or if you’re searching for answers, feel free to reach out. Your experiences matter, and I’m here to listen.
Thank you for reading!
Comments